My hips are too fat, my thighs are too wide, my boobs are too big, my waist is too large. I take up too much space and everyone else that i see is smaller than i am. My bum is the wrong shape, my arms are too flabby and my stomach looks enormous. Everyone looks at me as the fat one, the one that isn’t as skinny as the rest of her friends, or anyone for that matter. I try to tell myself that i’m just making it up and being paranoid, but then i walk past a shop window or a mirror and i see what everyone else sees. There is not one single position i can sit in which makes me look skinny. No one would ever be interested in someone as fat as me, in fact i repulse people to the point that thinking of me makes them sick. I have love handles. I have a muffin top. I’m surrounded by skinny girls, skinny, pretty girls. People compare me to my friends and they whisper to each other about how ugly and fat i am. I daydream sometimes that i’ll get skinny and i’ll have a boyfriend, and all of his friends will be jealous that he gets to be with me. All the girls will be jealous that i get to be with him. We’ll be perfect for each other. And then i realise that no one will ever see me in that way because i’m an uncontrolled fatty that can’t stop herself from eating and gaining weight.

I need to be skinny. I need to be the one that guys call ‘dibs’ on. I need to lose weight and stay determined. Otherwise i’ll be the same ugly fat one that everyone makes fun of. I need to stop eating.